|
|
22:17 - Thursday, Oct. 03, 2002 This all came about rather quickly, but the more I look around at my office the more I think this is not a ship I want to be on. Financially, they could sink any minute. And they are much weaker on the issues than I would like them to be. I mean shit, these folks did not know that out of state checks take longer to clear, that writing payroll from your personal account and telling your staff there is no money in the organizational account might be stress-inducing for folks, that people who rely on their paychecks don't like to wait extra days to get paid, that saying "Oh are you leaving?" every day as we are on the way out the door carrying our briefcases with our office lights off implies that you want us to stay EVEN longer than the extra hours we put in, that calling yourself grassroots and then holding the people you are hoping to help and educate in disdain as know-nothings makes you look like an asshole, and many other things. Shit. To think I am so damn hell-bent on harmony that I think somehow I chose this shit and should be punished for it. Fuck that noise. So, the main worry of the people who are hiring me is that there work is not activist enough for me. That and the chunky salary cut. I'm like, "shit, I've been paid to be an activist for a long time and have been farting against thunder and feeling like shit for way too long." I can use a place that doesn't think they are changing the world everytime they send a fax. And besides, how many people on the front lines, stuffing envelopes, knocking on doors, providing services, etc. get paid for it? Very few. It's a friggin privilege to be a paid activist. Ironically, though the new folks say they aren't really activist, I think people who work with, support, and are part of the arts are vital -- to community, to history, to politics, to stimulating the mind. I NEED it to be ok, supported, funded, and encouraged for folks to be creative and expressive. It is definitely an activist perspective to say that art, music, dance, etc. are important, useful and worth taking up space. I'm really really cool being a part of that. But the road to all these thoughts has been lined with brainracing and freakish thoughts of guilt and change and challenge. I was basically up all night last night. I swear at one point my brain was racing through a million ideas and scenarios about how I would resign, what my first new super-low paycheck would look like, how my ADD would play a role in my new job, how I would tell my bosses I don't think their organization is healthy and could end up screwing over women, wedding wedding wedding, wedding website, quilting, vacation, schedules, etc. On top of that, I know I know I know I have a caffeine problem. Perhaps it is replacing the Ritalin I used to take? But that is friggin' genetic. My people love the caffeine. Last night was cool though. Dharmaqueen and our regular crew all got together and spent time together after conferences, etc. kept people apart for a while. Very cool time, and I really needed it. In other news, our wedding website is almost ready! I am learning a lot about HTML and feel pretty good about my skills for being such a newbie. So far, most things are falling into place for the ceremony and logistics etc. I think getting people from the wedding to the reception area will be a challenge, but hopefully enough people will rent cars. Parking in DC is atrocious so we will see. I definitely hope that our meeting house (where the ceremony is) keeps their sign up. Outside they put up a huge sign that says "How Does Your Life Help Remove the Causes of War?" I really really really hope that is up for our wedding. I am proud to go to meeting (church for some) somewhere that thinks this is a priority. That kicks my ass.
In more other news, Mr. Radical Tenor is up north at a well-known University speaking at a conference. I am so damn proud of him and the work he does I could scream with joy! Well, that is it for me. I still need to do the entry on seeing Genevieve (sp.?) from Trading Spaces. She rocked so amazingly hard in her barefoot-moss wall making-I wear black so I don't show sweat like wet Frank- self. Very cool!
|