23:04 - Friday, Mar. 21, 2003
Fundraising
It has been a hell of a week. Two major career developments happened for me this week and it feels really great. Of course the President Select and Dick Chained to the Defense Industry decide to go to war so I feel like a selfish fuck for being happy about things, but I am in a better place than I was . . . and this was made abundantly clear to me today as I ran into Urine Queen.

I was on my way to meet Dharmaqueen for dinner and I arrived at my metro station. The doors opened, and there she was. I walked past her like I had not seen/recognized her, but I know she saw me. I will spare you all the disgusting details here, but she was a toxic instrument of destruction. A roommate during the hell time when I lived with cats who piss all over my things, Urine Queen-- my co-worker and a bipolar manic-depressive codependent closet lesbian in love with both my alcoholic colleague and my criminally sickening boss who stalked my colleague after they broke up, and Urine Queen's daughter who is routinely committed for a violent psychotic disorder and her daughter's girlfriend.

But when I was around those people I was such a dramatic pained and unstable person sometimes. I was full of self doubt and career doubt and fear. I had panic attacks and just lived in a place so tense I can hardly imagine how I didn't just spontaneously combust.

The worst part about that time was feeling like a total career failure. I was doing a fundraising job I was hardly cut out for. I was lied to about what I would be working on, was not allowed to supervise the person I was supposed to supervise because I was a man, etc. etc.

Long story longer, it has been a long process of rebuilding. To realize I am an effective fundraiser and have something to offer organizations I believe in has been a long road damn it.

So today I found myself on the brink of a new job. As I have said, I am becoming a Development Director, and that feels pretty damn good. I am also working with a feminist spoken word organization that puts on shows and workshops in the area. And I continue on as the chair of the fundraising committee of the choir that Mr. Radical Tenor sings with.

That all makes for a busy moneymaker, but I am very excited to add one more job. (Yes, I am cutting myself off at this point.)

I was just elected to be on the Board of Directors of the Alumni Association of my college. It is hard to think that I was elected by my peers to represent their interests. I am so excited that I get to do this.

It is not without fear though. I am joining a group of people that are total brainiac intellectual powerhouses. Don't get me wrong, I am no dim bulb, but I am bringing something very very different to the table.

My work and passion and activism and ways of thinking are very "rooted" in grassroots politics, organizing, and fundraising. Many of these folks are lawyers and VP's of big company's etc. I guess in reality it's not so much the positions that intimidate me, but brainstyles. I will pick up on things others don't often pick up on while sometimes missing what the rest of the group thinks is obvious. So the simple details sometimes dance around me like Irish Jigfolk, while some more nuanced or specific ideas or strategies are very easily articulated by my funky brain and mouth.

I guess we shall see.

Mr. RadicalTenor though assured me that the whole point of it being an Alumni Association is for there to be diversity, etc. How many gay feminist grassroots very experienced fundraisers are they going to have on the board?

Well, I know of one. :)

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