17:50 - Monday, Aug. 12, 2002
Gentle
Sadness uggh. Trying to turn that around. Exhaustion. Waiting to Inhale. Applied for a job selling chocolates. Truffles mam? Interview today with people younger than young who run a nonprofit with no money. This is my specialty. But they really have no money (as in at all). At least that isn't all we had in common.

That was a bright spot. Mr. RadicalTenor stayed home today. Another bright spot. But this work battle, my need to do everything right, to work for people who do not act like a pack of nasty fucks, sometimes it all grabs me at once. Grabs tight enough that I have to face myself in ways that are rough and tumble, ways that look like paralysis --- but I am still feeling, so I must not be paralyzed.

I will work for myself eventually. I just hope I treat myself gently.

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