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11:57 - Saturday, Jul. 19, 2003 I recently found a diary of someone I loosely knew in a previous part of my life. I always thought this person had it all. Queer parents, a "great body," friends, intelligence, etc. Turns out, this person was in a lot of pain at that time. Don't get me wrong, I didn't have some angsty Judy Blume wannabe thing for this person, I just had an assumption about his life and world based on some very superficial and not-so-telling clues. I somewhat regret I didn't get to be his friend really. We wanted different things and different friends. I was crunchy funky dyke boy and that lodged me in some other place away from some of the other boys. It's good to see who he is becoming though. I think he is brilliant and that if he were here he would enjoy both me and my badass cutie-patootie partner. __________________________That said, yesterday was kind of astounding at the office. After working in so many places where people just get it wrong, I could not beleive something actually went right. About half way through one of the sections of classes, a student came to my desk with several more behind her. Her communication skills are not so great, but I understood one part pretty clearly: "The teacher put her hands on me." I noticed she was rubbing her arm. So much happened in that moment: Flash #1: This girl has been a problem. She accused another little boy of touching her yesterday and then confessed that it was she who grabbed him and called him stupid over and over again until he pushed her away and moved away from her. 2. A loop kept running through my mind: "She is a child. So many times people are not going to beleive her. Listen to her and hear what she thinks happened. Understand it. Don't jump to conclusions. Console her. Tell her it's going to be all right and we will figure out what happened." 3. Mental image: The t-shirt I have seen that says "Children must be seen, heard, and beleived." There were others with her that had seen what happened. I listened to her and told her she should come talk to another worker who is more in charge of staffing. She showed my co-worker what happened. It was clear that she had stepped out of line, and had not been following directions. She was out of her seat and had gone to another part of the classroom. But when she showed my co-worker exactly how the instructor had pinched and grabbed her to get her to come back and follow directions, it was just not right. We called the boss out of a meeting. After a conversation with the class and then with the instructor, she had been fired and went willingly. It was all over in a manner of 15 minutes. And it should have been. You cannot touch the children. Not when you are frustrated. Not when they are out of line. And certainly not because you are out of control. This person should have known that. I found myself very grateful that my boss handled it this way. That there wasn't some drawn out process here. That this child's experience was considered valid and real and worth investigating. It reminds me of working at the MFO (major "feminist" organization) where somehow it was ok that my supervisor was harassing her ex-girlfriend who worked with us. That her repeated claims that she was being harassed were not taken seriously because she is a bit off and had dated her harasser. No attention was paid to the deleterious effect it had on all of us. Their lack of a response was a deafening silence when they publicly fought on these issues every day.
At my current job, the child's past issues and communication problems, etc. were irrelevant. I am grateful too for all the people who have educated me on the issues to know that this child needed to be treated with respect and that she needed every opportunity to tell trusting people what happened. I am emboldened by her courage to walk out with her classamtes in tow and take it to the people in power and stake her claim to safety. I know it doesn't always happen that way.
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