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22:08 - Tuesday, Sept. 24, 2002 So here I am frustrated and dumbfucked trying to build a website for the wedding. Thank god for Dharmaqueen who is trying to keep me sane while I learn how to structure the files I am ftp-ing to our new site. But I will prevail. I cannot let this drive me crazy. Work has taken an interesting turn. There is a newish person in the office who is very helpful and wise. I was surprised that she is only a hair older than our bosses who really have an incredible amount to learn. She's been working for a lot longer though. I will call her Ms.Se. This is short for Cut to the Chase. But she is so damn direct and cuts through so much of the bullshit that it would be a disservice to write her name in long form. Of course, I know this means I am going to end up hating her. Just like Her Majesty and Urine Queen who worked at my old job. OK so hate is a strong word but let's just call it disgust. Anyway, maybe I will be wrong. There is hardly enough time to worry about it with all that is going on. Our organization needs money. I was duped basically about how stable we were and what resources we had. Not intentionally duped, but duped nonetheless. Ahh the life of a nonprofit fundraiser. So it is slowly being proven yet again, great ideas, great heart, great intention, good enough or better issue, etc. is really irrelevant if you are a shitty planner and do not have informed help around you. I have learned this over and over again: Position 1: Great hearts, bad business practices, bad management, staffing according to who looks the part. Results: Knock down drag out confrontation with crying and a facilitator for our department meeting. Position 2:Too big and complicated to explain, but it was an incompetence, bad scheduling, uninformed people in power, lack of training, too many ill-equipped co-dependent alcoholics, and people falling in and out of favor so fast with my boss that we had to check-in to see who was the good guy and who was the bad guy. This of course was made more exciting by the fact that my colleague was fucking my boss and my boss then stalked my colleague and there was one definite poisoning of the airt by birdshit and tar and one probable one later on that made crazy people look crazier and made my boss a henchwoman for the political elite. Position 3: Great hearts, but leadership that would sell out to corporate interests thinking that would build a grassroots movement this way and by making our supporters jump through hoops to participate in their own fucking movement. On top of this, worked for bosses with little or no experience building the programs we nedded to build and with no understanding of staff capacity. Position 4: The current position. Great people who should have at least known that there was a clue bus before it pulled up next to them, sat idle for a few months, and still managed to leave without them on board. SMART as hell, but without the resources needed to pull this off. Lord knows I am trying though as are they. So I will search, yes, again, for another job while working on the wedding-- which is getting very exciting! I do not want to taint the wedding glory with the work goop, so I will leave that for the next entry. -r
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